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00:00:01
good afternoon and uh first of all like to think variable isn't for the for the great invitation
00:00:06
uh it's a pleasure to be here uh for something else than great live music and i think it's uh
00:00:13
we could call this yeah have a youth athletes festival at this point i'm here to
00:00:17
talk to you about parenting in use for which is kind of a hard topic
00:00:22
and the title the presentation is keep your athletes clothes and
00:00:26
their parents closer and my goal for today is to
00:00:31
offer some perspective on and how we can interact and deal with parents
00:00:37
and hopefully to leave you with some kind of reflections to chew on
00:00:43
we often hear that's you sports is a great school of life
00:00:49
writes that's uh use athlete can developed numerous benefits
00:00:54
and can develop character is an ally skills and confidence
00:00:59
but really the the research uh is pretty telling
00:01:02
on this by just participating in sports
00:01:07
that's not enough kids do not automatically develop all those different skills and get those benefits
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there is a need for the it also or involve meaning coaches
00:01:17
parents so mentors to actually faster an optimal learning environments
00:01:23
and uh an optimal a motivational climate for those benefits
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to work or so today i'm i'm actually talking
00:01:31
to you about specifically what parents but um i will
00:01:34
also uh make some connections uh with coaches
00:01:39
before we get too far ahead um i have a question for
00:01:44
all of you i'm very curious to know who here
00:01:48
in one way or another works with or interact with you sports parents we can raise your hands
00:01:58
alright i would say majority are okay so now i'm actually really curious as you think about
00:02:06
use sports parents what kind of feeling stands out to you and i'll i'll
00:02:10
let you uh go through those uh different you know jeez ants
00:02:17
make a decision on which one stands out the most
00:02:29
so who actually has a positive feeling about working with parents
00:02:37
okay not as many hands up as before i saw love frowns in weird faces when i actually asked the
00:02:43
question some people giggling so but the one of you who actually raise their hands about positive feelings
00:02:51
um were you did you kind of see the profile of the ideal parents who are always provides
00:02:56
uh unconditional love and supports and fosters autonomy understand the different
00:03:02
stages of town developments annie's here along the way
00:03:06
uh and also respect and support coaches and or decisions okay
00:03:10
so that could have influenced um how you perceive
00:03:12
parents now who actually had it not as much of a positive feeling if you can raise your hand
00:03:21
alright and the other ones are so many hands uh initially about all working with parents but
00:03:27
i guess it was hard to make a call or you don't want to say
00:03:31
but it was a was bad but i'm i'm curious to know if uh those of you had a negative
00:03:37
uh but a foreign so actually sort of triggered by what we call the helicopter parents
00:03:42
who feel the need to pave the way for the kids and to be here
00:03:46
every step of the way which is now gonna be taken over by the drone parents right
00:03:52
uh we're in twenty seventeen and this picture maybe a um triggers something for the one living in switzerland
00:03:59
uh at a recent a marathon use marathon in zurich or maybe
00:04:04
some of you had in mind some of the unfortunately
00:04:08
for um outcomes of uh pour parental involvement in use for
00:04:13
something and spent too much time on that we can
00:04:15
have an idea of um what those creates a lead to in terms of sports
00:04:20
the patient but also the impact in consequence you can have on the family
00:04:27
now i've been working with uh parents and coaches for for quite some time now ends
00:04:34
i have finally here once in a while and it's uh initially and then more and more
00:04:39
about people complaining about about parents whether it's coaches stakeholders um you
00:04:45
know in in different uh clubs to the staff and
00:04:49
uh i wonder if you ever had or if you ever heard some of this
00:04:53
also i'll let you go through them uh they're not very positives about uh
00:04:59
parents and about uh how we can actually work with them and should we
00:05:06
what can we do about them right there is a pretty
00:05:08
negative uh aspects to i'm dealing in working with parents
00:05:16
so something that's uh actually interesting is that the supplied
00:05:20
some of the steered types that are um
00:05:24
you know commonly um portrayed in the media nine some stakeholders that actually uh are
00:05:32
giving an image of parents as a uh excessive or are pressuring or negative
00:05:37
the research is pretty clear that most parents can actually serve as good role
00:05:43
models and can be supportive in that only a minority or problem parents
00:05:49
so i think that's um what i'm trying to do here is to uh help us we'll
00:05:54
lies that we sometimes can be very quick and easy to blame parents for misbehaving
00:06:00
or for a not having an appropriate involvements lots
00:06:05
what do actually understand about what it takes and what it's like
00:06:09
to be a use for spare let's first look at this
00:06:13
so in a nutshell i'll go pretty quickly for this um parents
00:06:17
have different roles and uh first they are the ones providing
00:06:21
in giving access to the experience and the also here to
00:06:25
support their children meaning not just driving and paying for
00:06:30
uh the the sport but also in terms of emotional support
00:06:33
informational supports aunts they are the main interpreters of
00:06:39
the spore experiences of their children so it their goals their values their beliefs are gonna have an impact
00:06:45
on how their children perceive feel your perceive success
00:06:49
and also on how they are actually affected by their parents uh
00:06:54
attitudes and behaviours and parents also serve as role models
00:06:59
so they had a pretty huge responsibility and pretty um important role
00:07:03
to play and that also comes with its share of
00:07:08
sacrifices uh financially it could be fairly costly it become very costly
00:07:14
so they have their loads of stress or is as well
00:07:19
so instead of trying to blame the parents or to avoid them because we don't
00:07:25
really know how to deal with them which doesn't get us really far
00:07:28
i think the real question is or you sports parents set up for success or work
00:07:35
how's that for feel or ends i think that we need to make a shift which first
00:07:40
try to understand what makes parents do what
00:07:44
they do what makes them misbehave sometimes
00:07:48
and uh something interesting is that even the best parents
00:07:52
the most excellence parents can lose it at times
00:07:56
right so that also happens to them and i just want to mention a few reasons
00:08:01
that could explain some of the ms behaviours or pour involvement of parents um
00:08:07
parents are not for easy and i think many of you have kids and i think it must feel good to hear that
00:08:12
uh but they are very emotionally invested in their children's experiences
00:08:17
i often hear parents as being vicariously living there
00:08:22
failed or not very accomplished sports period for their kids but i think we also need to look at this
00:08:28
reverse dependency phenomena in the actually the success of
00:08:32
the channel reflex on the cell forth as
00:08:35
a parents and that could also explain what some of the miss behaviours and attitudes
00:08:40
uh paris deal with lots of stress as i just mentioned that but one of the biggest restaurant
00:08:45
it's also about watching their charts trodden and how do you deal with this as a parents
00:08:50
you feel the need to maybe rescue uh the chart some parents thomas only know how to behave
00:08:55
the normal role you much about the roles and when and how they can help and acts
00:09:01
um and in many instances parents lack some of self
00:09:05
awareness about how their wants and they needs
00:09:09
actually can affects their emotional states and their behaviours
00:09:13
which interns will affect how the chart perceived
00:09:17
uh uh their their parents reaction aunts affect their own reaction unknown behaviours right
00:09:23
but we should not forget that um you know i've been talking mostly about individual features about
00:09:29
sports parents but how about the system with this
00:09:33
push for personalisation ones for only speculations
00:09:37
parents also pour the system and i think that they been left out in some ways
00:09:43
and so we need to give them a break because many parents again
00:09:46
are doing their best and are actually supportive and good parents
00:09:51
so this is a a quotes that uh i proposal did not uh wanna mention
00:09:57
uh who would care from but this was from a a national governing body the director of
00:10:02
coding developments after working for a couple years on a different aspect of the plot developments
00:10:09
at the the meeting he said wow like i just realised something
00:10:12
so in a way we are not designing resources for parents
00:10:17
to help us over problem that we we created or cells in the first place as a system
00:10:24
and that was one of my favourite animal is because it really
00:10:27
shows how uh the environment in the system actually can lead
00:10:31
to that anyhow federations can have sometimes the responsibility into this so
00:10:37
i i at this point i i like to you
00:10:41
briefly presents us some of my assumptions and philosophy about you sports and about you sports parents
00:10:47
so some of this comes from research recommendations from other practitioners and also from my own experiences but
00:10:53
uh i believe that's uh uh the athletes health right single should always come first
00:10:59
they should be at the centre every parents most parents think and believe that's
00:11:06
they have a special individual with special abilities gift or talents and
00:11:12
parents really behave negatively on purpose only a very small
00:11:16
minority does and that's true but for the most part that's
00:11:20
not that's not what it's about right they all are
00:11:23
really well intentioned but they are ill informed they may lack self
00:11:28
awareness they may like knowledge and perspective so to give
00:11:32
parents since like we need to also understand that parents may not and so we know what they don't know
00:11:38
alright so how can we help them to relies what they don't know
00:11:42
and gets to grow and to learn as you sports parents
00:11:46
it's also important to say that's the first time parents a drop of their kids at praxis
00:11:51
it's not a good like a skill sets and a and a booklet of
00:11:54
competence and uh information about how to be the best use ports parents
00:11:59
so i want to introduce your little bits to uh my
00:12:02
approach to working with parents and with coaches and
00:12:06
i'm in essence i'm really trying to get the coaches and the parents to interact more
00:12:13
and and stakeholders well but really for them to develop a mutual understanding appreciation
00:12:20
for each other's roles and contributions so as a sports
00:12:23
psychologist i work with coaches and the stakeholders but
00:12:28
to help them uh include parents and and uh and handle parents and
00:12:33
also work with parents to help them navigate through the system
00:12:38
and my goal again is to also have the coaches
00:12:40
and in stakeholders and the parents work effectively together
00:12:46
um i'm just curious also to ask you some need to
00:12:50
get you to think actually about how you interact with parents in your
00:12:54
in your own work i'm not saying this is a model that's
00:12:57
uh you should apply but i think that it's it's important for
00:13:00
you to think about how you are actually navigating through that
00:13:05
so what i'm actually trying to promote in my work whether it's in research or whether it's in my
00:13:10
applied work is to try to create a cultural shift in order to work effectively with parents
00:13:17
parents have a legal and ethical responsibility to be involved if we push them away for trying to
00:13:23
be in difference it's not gonna work we know that's right so instead let's include them
00:13:30
let's connect with them and let's help them supports
00:13:34
their children other stakeholders and coaches so
00:13:39
i can already hear some of you may be thinking like well to to try to
00:13:43
change the culture it's just gonna be you know so challenging it's all about
00:13:48
rationalisation of you sports and i'm not suggesting that we to completely change
00:13:52
the culture because that's really how challenging it takes years of
00:13:54
decades what i'm trying to promote is just a slight shift into
00:13:59
how we are dealing in looking at parents in new sports
00:14:04
and ah what it what it takes i think it's not that challenging
00:14:08
uh in a research i conducted recently with the swiss tennis federation
00:14:12
and many parents actually mentioned that they had some the coaches were
00:14:17
not avoiding them the or somehow okay having the parents around
00:14:23
but the parents really felt like they needed first to
00:14:26
establish a really good relationship with the coaches
00:14:30
and that goes both way parents can also established that but coaches and stick was also need
00:14:36
to understand that they need to be old trusting and authentic relationships
00:14:40
with parents parents everybody else likes to feel valued and appreciated
00:14:46
for the the efforts and for the work that they do so uh instead
00:14:50
of trying to gets the parents away or like like in many
00:14:54
coaches at least um in some sports tend to do in switzerland uh
00:14:59
let's actually use their energy in channel their energy to actually
00:15:04
give them all let them find some appropriate aunts a meaningful
00:15:08
roles that they can play um something that's um
00:15:13
coaches so i would say mostly coaches complain about is uh how parents take a lot of their time
00:15:21
writes ants it's challenging for coaches sometimes relies at that given
00:15:25
time to parents you will actually help them save time
00:15:29
um and so what i'm actually uh trying to suggest here is
00:15:33
that's when parents approaches approach coaches or all the stakeholders
00:15:39
it's mostly to you get some help for their children or
00:15:42
to actually help them deal with stress servers as parents
00:15:47
so i'm listening to parents is a very basic skill that can go a long way and it doesn't mean
00:15:54
that because uh listen you have to agree with them but first you have to validates the parents
00:15:59
and it's very useful also to anticipate the kind of questions any shoes
00:16:04
that come uh that that may actually arise as you are
00:16:08
going through this season or going for the the initial
00:16:12
stages uh of pretty seasoned um parents of
00:16:16
course uh wants to have more information in it's useful to deliver those in different formats
00:16:22
ants uh on different topics about nutrition about physical training
00:16:27
about mental skills so that also can help
00:16:30
you faster uh some other relationships and also help
00:16:33
parents understand more about your coaching philosophy or
00:16:37
your philosophy as maybe i'm a staff member of sports medicine facility or
00:16:42
uh and uh a mentor or in in in the capacity that you actually uh are are working on um
00:16:49
again this is not always challenging but to help parents gain a we're nuts
00:16:54
regarding the roles and the challenges they face and how it actually affects
00:16:59
their own behaviours and they're at their own attitudes and help them
00:17:03
develop studies to cope with which is not an easy task
00:17:08
so um a couple take a message that i really wanna
00:17:13
put through here is uh adapted from a quote from
00:17:17
a teddy roosevelt's and parents don't care how much
00:17:21
you know until they know how much you hear about
00:17:24
their children and this is true especially if
00:17:28
coaches or stakeholders here about the person first and the athletes seconds
00:17:35
right and the other uh points uh i would like to make to conclude
00:17:40
is that's uh we need to get away from this paradigm well it's us it's
00:17:46
coaches stakeholders versus parents versus them but to actually

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Conference program

Welcome
Frederic Koehn, President Young Athletes Forum Foundation
21 Sept. 2017 · 1:18 p.m.
3,124 views
Opening address
Boris GOJANOVIC
21 Sept. 2017 · 1:22 p.m.
131 views
Biological Maturation and the Path to Success: Before and After the Fact
Manuel COELHO-E-SILVA, Biological Maturation and the Path to Success: Before and After the Fact
21 Sept. 2017 · 1:31 p.m.
549 views
Designing pathways to success – part kaleidoscope, part microscope
Jason GULBIN, Designing pathways to success – part kaleidoscope, part microscope
21 Sept. 2017 · 1:53 p.m.
372 views
Talent ID and Development: Why doing the “right thing” is not always the “best thing
Ross TUCKER , Talent ID and Development: Why doing the “right thing” is not always the “best thing
21 Sept. 2017 · 2:16 p.m.
332 views
104 views
Resistance training during long-term athlete development
Urs GRANACHER
21 Sept. 2017 · 2:52 p.m.
343 views
The development of aerobic power in young athletes
Grégoire MILLET
21 Sept. 2017 · 3:15 p.m.
1,462 views
Fueling the young athlete
Asker JEUKENDRUP
21 Sept. 2017 · 3:36 p.m.
193 views
Training young athletes: challenges and opportunities
Marco CARDINALE
21 Sept. 2017 · 4:01 p.m.
181 views
TRAINING THE YOUNG ATHLETE - Q&A
Panel
21 Sept. 2017 · 4:33 p.m.
Coaching from junior to the top of the world (Lara Gut)
Patrick Flaction, Elitment
21 Sept. 2017 · 5:20 p.m.
189 views
Knee ligament injuries in immature athletes
Franck CHOTEL
22 Sept. 2017 · 7:48 a.m.
Osteochondral lesions
Franck ACCADBLED
22 Sept. 2017 · 8:11 a.m.
216 views
INJURIES WITH THE ORTHOPEDISTS - Q&A
Panel
22 Sept. 2017 · 8:54 a.m.
Back pain in young athletes
Liba SHEERAN
22 Sept. 2017 · 9:34 a.m.
Long term sequelae of youth overuse injuries
Mark BATT
22 Sept. 2017 · 10:19 a.m.
OVERUSE INJURIES - Q&A
Panel
22 Sept. 2017 · 10:40 a.m.
Concussions in young athletes : myths and reality
Christopher NEWMAN
22 Sept. 2017 · 10:52 a.m.
Screening for heart disease in sports – nonsense or necessary?
Matthias WILHELM
22 Sept. 2017 · 11:16 a.m.
Competitive Sport & Health: hidden issues
Gordon MATHESON
22 Sept. 2017 · 12:04 p.m.
Injury prevention programs : The 11+ Kids Project
Mario BIZZINI
22 Sept. 2017 · 2:12 p.m.
104 views
158 views
Parents’ Knowledge of Sport Psychology and Nutrition
Dr Camilla J. Knight
22 Sept. 2017 · 3:57 p.m.
Closing Address
Frederic Koehn, President Young Athletes Forum Foundation
22 Sept. 2017 · 6:04 p.m.