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Keep your athletes close and their parents closer: Working effectively with parents
Olivier SCHMID
Thursday, Sept. 21, 2017 · 5:52 p.m. · 18m 02s
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00:00:01
good afternoon and uh first of all like to think variable isn't for the for the great invitation
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uh it's a pleasure to be here uh for something else than great live music and i think it's uh
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we could call this yeah have a youth athletes festival at this point i'm here to
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talk to you about parenting in use for which is kind of a hard topic
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and the title the presentation is keep your athletes clothes and
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their parents closer and my goal for today is to
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offer some perspective on and how we can interact and deal with parents
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and hopefully to leave you with some kind of reflections to chew on
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we often hear that's you sports is a great school of life
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writes that's uh use athlete can developed numerous benefits
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and can develop character is an ally skills and confidence
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but really the the research uh is pretty telling
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on this by just participating in sports
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that's not enough kids do not automatically develop all those different skills and get those benefits
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there is a need for the it also or involve meaning coaches
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parents so mentors to actually faster an optimal learning environments
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and uh an optimal a motivational climate for those benefits
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to work or so today i'm i'm actually talking
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to you about specifically what parents but um i will
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also uh make some connections uh with coaches
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before we get too far ahead um i have a question for
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all of you i'm very curious to know who here
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in one way or another works with or interact with you sports parents we can raise your hands
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alright i would say majority are okay so now i'm actually really curious as you think about
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use sports parents what kind of feeling stands out to you and i'll i'll
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let you uh go through those uh different you know jeez ants
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make a decision on which one stands out the most
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so who actually has a positive feeling about working with parents
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okay not as many hands up as before i saw love frowns in weird faces when i actually asked the
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question some people giggling so but the one of you who actually raise their hands about positive feelings
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um were you did you kind of see the profile of the ideal parents who are always provides
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uh unconditional love and supports and fosters autonomy understand the different
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stages of town developments annie's here along the way
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uh and also respect and support coaches and or decisions okay
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so that could have influenced um how you perceive
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parents now who actually had it not as much of a positive feeling if you can raise your hand
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alright and the other ones are so many hands uh initially about all working with parents but
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i guess it was hard to make a call or you don't want to say
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but it was a was bad but i'm i'm curious to know if uh those of you had a negative
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uh but a foreign so actually sort of triggered by what we call the helicopter parents
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who feel the need to pave the way for the kids and to be here
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every step of the way which is now gonna be taken over by the drone parents right
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uh we're in twenty seventeen and this picture maybe a um triggers something for the one living in switzerland
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uh at a recent a marathon use marathon in zurich or maybe
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some of you had in mind some of the unfortunately
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for um outcomes of uh pour parental involvement in use for
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something and spent too much time on that we can
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have an idea of um what those creates a lead to in terms of sports
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the patient but also the impact in consequence you can have on the family
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now i've been working with uh parents and coaches for for quite some time now ends
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i have finally here once in a while and it's uh initially and then more and more
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about people complaining about about parents whether it's coaches stakeholders um you
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know in in different uh clubs to the staff and
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uh i wonder if you ever had or if you ever heard some of this
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also i'll let you go through them uh they're not very positives about uh
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parents and about uh how we can actually work with them and should we
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what can we do about them right there is a pretty
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negative uh aspects to i'm dealing in working with parents
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so something that's uh actually interesting is that the supplied
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some of the steered types that are um
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you know commonly um portrayed in the media nine some stakeholders that actually uh are
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giving an image of parents as a uh excessive or are pressuring or negative
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the research is pretty clear that most parents can actually serve as good role
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models and can be supportive in that only a minority or problem parents
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so i think that's um what i'm trying to do here is to uh help us we'll
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lies that we sometimes can be very quick and easy to blame parents for misbehaving
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or for a not having an appropriate involvements lots
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what do actually understand about what it takes and what it's like
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to be a use for spare let's first look at this
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so in a nutshell i'll go pretty quickly for this um parents
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have different roles and uh first they are the ones providing
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in giving access to the experience and the also here to
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support their children meaning not just driving and paying for
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uh the the sport but also in terms of emotional support
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informational supports aunts they are the main interpreters of
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the spore experiences of their children so it their goals their values their beliefs are gonna have an impact
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on how their children perceive feel your perceive success
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and also on how they are actually affected by their parents uh
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attitudes and behaviours and parents also serve as role models
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so they had a pretty huge responsibility and pretty um important role
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to play and that also comes with its share of
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sacrifices uh financially it could be fairly costly it become very costly
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so they have their loads of stress or is as well
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so instead of trying to blame the parents or to avoid them because we don't
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really know how to deal with them which doesn't get us really far
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i think the real question is or you sports parents set up for success or work
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how's that for feel or ends i think that we need to make a shift which first
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try to understand what makes parents do what
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they do what makes them misbehave sometimes
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and uh something interesting is that even the best parents
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the most excellence parents can lose it at times
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right so that also happens to them and i just want to mention a few reasons
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that could explain some of the ms behaviours or pour involvement of parents um
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parents are not for easy and i think many of you have kids and i think it must feel good to hear that
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uh but they are very emotionally invested in their children's experiences
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i often hear parents as being vicariously living there
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failed or not very accomplished sports period for their kids but i think we also need to look at this
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reverse dependency phenomena in the actually the success of
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the channel reflex on the cell forth as
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a parents and that could also explain what some of the miss behaviours and attitudes
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uh paris deal with lots of stress as i just mentioned that but one of the biggest restaurant
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it's also about watching their charts trodden and how do you deal with this as a parents
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you feel the need to maybe rescue uh the chart some parents thomas only know how to behave
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the normal role you much about the roles and when and how they can help and acts
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um and in many instances parents lack some of self
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awareness about how their wants and they needs
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actually can affects their emotional states and their behaviours
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which interns will affect how the chart perceived
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uh uh their their parents reaction aunts affect their own reaction unknown behaviours right
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but we should not forget that um you know i've been talking mostly about individual features about
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sports parents but how about the system with this
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push for personalisation ones for only speculations
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parents also pour the system and i think that they been left out in some ways
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and so we need to give them a break because many parents again
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are doing their best and are actually supportive and good parents
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so this is a a quotes that uh i proposal did not uh wanna mention
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uh who would care from but this was from a a national governing body the director of
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coding developments after working for a couple years on a different aspect of the plot developments
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at the the meeting he said wow like i just realised something
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so in a way we are not designing resources for parents
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to help us over problem that we we created or cells in the first place as a system
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and that was one of my favourite animal is because it really
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shows how uh the environment in the system actually can lead
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to that anyhow federations can have sometimes the responsibility into this so
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i i at this point i i like to you
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briefly presents us some of my assumptions and philosophy about you sports and about you sports parents
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so some of this comes from research recommendations from other practitioners and also from my own experiences but
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uh i believe that's uh uh the athletes health right single should always come first
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they should be at the centre every parents most parents think and believe that's
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they have a special individual with special abilities gift or talents and
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parents really behave negatively on purpose only a very small
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minority does and that's true but for the most part that's
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not that's not what it's about right they all are
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really well intentioned but they are ill informed they may lack self
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awareness they may like knowledge and perspective so to give
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parents since like we need to also understand that parents may not and so we know what they don't know
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alright so how can we help them to relies what they don't know
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and gets to grow and to learn as you sports parents
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it's also important to say that's the first time parents a drop of their kids at praxis
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it's not a good like a skill sets and a and a booklet of
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competence and uh information about how to be the best use ports parents
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so i want to introduce your little bits to uh my
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approach to working with parents and with coaches and
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i'm in essence i'm really trying to get the coaches and the parents to interact more
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and and stakeholders well but really for them to develop a mutual understanding appreciation
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for each other's roles and contributions so as a sports
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psychologist i work with coaches and the stakeholders but
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to help them uh include parents and and uh and handle parents and
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also work with parents to help them navigate through the system
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and my goal again is to also have the coaches
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and in stakeholders and the parents work effectively together
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um i'm just curious also to ask you some need to
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get you to think actually about how you interact with parents in your
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in your own work i'm not saying this is a model that's
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uh you should apply but i think that it's it's important for
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you to think about how you are actually navigating through that
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so what i'm actually trying to promote in my work whether it's in research or whether it's in my
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applied work is to try to create a cultural shift in order to work effectively with parents
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parents have a legal and ethical responsibility to be involved if we push them away for trying to
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be in difference it's not gonna work we know that's right so instead let's include them
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let's connect with them and let's help them supports
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their children other stakeholders and coaches so
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i can already hear some of you may be thinking like well to to try to
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change the culture it's just gonna be you know so challenging it's all about
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rationalisation of you sports and i'm not suggesting that we to completely change
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the culture because that's really how challenging it takes years of
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decades what i'm trying to promote is just a slight shift into
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how we are dealing in looking at parents in new sports
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and ah what it what it takes i think it's not that challenging
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uh in a research i conducted recently with the swiss tennis federation
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and many parents actually mentioned that they had some the coaches were
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not avoiding them the or somehow okay having the parents around
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but the parents really felt like they needed first to
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establish a really good relationship with the coaches
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and that goes both way parents can also established that but coaches and stick was also need
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to understand that they need to be old trusting and authentic relationships
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with parents parents everybody else likes to feel valued and appreciated
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for the the efforts and for the work that they do so uh instead
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of trying to gets the parents away or like like in many
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coaches at least um in some sports tend to do in switzerland uh
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let's actually use their energy in channel their energy to actually
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give them all let them find some appropriate aunts a meaningful
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roles that they can play um something that's um
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coaches so i would say mostly coaches complain about is uh how parents take a lot of their time
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writes ants it's challenging for coaches sometimes relies at that given
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time to parents you will actually help them save time
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um and so what i'm actually uh trying to suggest here is
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that's when parents approaches approach coaches or all the stakeholders
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it's mostly to you get some help for their children or
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to actually help them deal with stress servers as parents
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so i'm listening to parents is a very basic skill that can go a long way and it doesn't mean
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that because uh listen you have to agree with them but first you have to validates the parents
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and it's very useful also to anticipate the kind of questions any shoes
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that come uh that that may actually arise as you are
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going through this season or going for the the initial
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stages uh of pretty seasoned um parents of
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course uh wants to have more information in it's useful to deliver those in different formats
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ants uh on different topics about nutrition about physical training
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about mental skills so that also can help
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you faster uh some other relationships and also help
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parents understand more about your coaching philosophy or
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your philosophy as maybe i'm a staff member of sports medicine facility or
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uh and uh a mentor or in in in the capacity that you actually uh are are working on um
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again this is not always challenging but to help parents gain a we're nuts
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regarding the roles and the challenges they face and how it actually affects
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their own behaviours and they're at their own attitudes and help them
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develop studies to cope with which is not an easy task
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so um a couple take a message that i really wanna
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put through here is uh adapted from a quote from
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a teddy roosevelt's and parents don't care how much
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you know until they know how much you hear about
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their children and this is true especially if
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coaches or stakeholders here about the person first and the athletes seconds
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right and the other uh points uh i would like to make to conclude
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is that's uh we need to get away from this paradigm well it's us it's
00:17:46
coaches stakeholders versus parents versus them but to actually
Conference Program
Opening address
Boris GOJANOVIC
Sept. 21, 2017 · 1:22 p.m.
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Biological Maturation and the Path to Success: Before and After the Fact
Manuel COELHO-E-SILVA, Biological Maturation and the Path to Success: Before and After the Fact
Sept. 21, 2017 · 1:31 p.m.
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Designing pathways to success – part kaleidoscope, part microscope
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Sept. 21, 2017 · 1:53 p.m.
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Talent ID and Development: Why doing the “right thing” is not always the “best thing
Ross TUCKER , Talent ID and Development: Why doing the “right thing” is not always the “best thing
Sept. 21, 2017 · 2:16 p.m.
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BIOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT AND PATHWAYS TO SUCCESS - Q&A
Panel
Sept. 21, 2017 · 2:41 p.m.
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Resistance training during long-term athlete development
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Sept. 21, 2017 · 2:52 p.m.
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The development of aerobic power in young athletes
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Sept. 21, 2017 · 3:15 p.m.
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Fueling the young athlete
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Sept. 21, 2017 · 3:36 p.m.
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Training young athletes: challenges and opportunities
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Sept. 21, 2017 · 4:01 p.m.
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TRAINING THE YOUNG ATHLETE - Q&A
Panel
Sept. 21, 2017 · 4:33 p.m.
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Coaching from junior to the top of the world (Lara Gut)
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Sept. 21, 2017 · 5:20 p.m.
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Keep your athletes close and their parents closer: Working effectively with parents
Olivier SCHMID
Sept. 21, 2017 · 5:52 p.m.
199 views
Combine sport and studies, are the schools doing enough ?
Florian ETTER
Sept. 21, 2017 · 6:11 p.m.
219 views
COACHING, PARENTING AND DEVELOPMENT - Q&A
Panel
Sept. 21, 2017 · 6:28 p.m.
DÉBAT PUBLIC (IN FRENCH) : Children and competitive sport, for the best or the worst ?
Panel
Sept. 21, 2017 · 8:07 p.m.
238 views
Knee ligament injuries in immature athletes
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Sept. 22, 2017 · 7:48 a.m.
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Osteochondral lesions
Franck ACCADBLED
Sept. 22, 2017 · 8:11 a.m.
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The influence of athletic activities during growth on hip development
Rintje AGRICOLA
Sept. 22, 2017 · 8:35 a.m.
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INJURIES WITH THE ORTHOPEDISTS - Q&A
Panel
Sept. 22, 2017 · 8:54 a.m.
Back pain in young athletes
Liba SHEERAN
Sept. 22, 2017 · 9:34 a.m.
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Injuries and illnesses amongst young elite athletes – so healthy it hurts?
Christine HOLM MOSEID
Sept. 22, 2017 · 9:57 a.m.
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Long term sequelae of youth overuse injuries
Mark BATT
Sept. 22, 2017 · 10:19 a.m.
OVERUSE INJURIES - Q&A
Panel
Sept. 22, 2017 · 10:40 a.m.
Concussions in young athletes : myths and reality
Christopher NEWMAN
Sept. 22, 2017 · 10:52 a.m.
Screening for heart disease in sports – nonsense or necessary?
Matthias WILHELM
Sept. 22, 2017 · 11:16 a.m.
123 views
Energy deficiency in young athletes – prevalence, consequences and screening
Anna MELIN
Sept. 22, 2017 · 11:39 a.m.
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Competitive Sport & Health: hidden issues
Gordon MATHESON
Sept. 22, 2017 · 12:04 p.m.
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THE COMPLEX MEDICAL PROBLEMS - Q&A
Sept. 22, 2017 · 12:33 p.m.
Injury prevention in youth : What is learned in the cradle is carried in the tomb ?
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Sept. 22, 2017 · 1:46 p.m.
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Sept. 22, 2017 · 2:12 p.m.
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Sports specialized training: what are the true effects and is it really all bad ?
Neeru JAYANTHI
Sept. 22, 2017 · 2:29 p.m.
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What is “load” and how does it impact athletes’s risk of injury ?
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Sept. 22, 2017 · 2:49 p.m.
344 views
Instituting a unique public health approach to ACL injury risk management
Joseph Janoski
Sept. 22, 2017 · 3:47 p.m.
Instituting a unique public health approach to ACL injury risk management - Q&A
Joseph Janoski
Sept. 22, 2017 · 3:54 p.m.
Parents’ Knowledge of Sport Psychology and Nutrition
Dr Camilla J. Knight
Sept. 22, 2017 · 3:57 p.m.
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Injuries and injury risk factors in youth alpine ski racing: A two-season prospective study
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Sept. 22, 2017 · 4:09 p.m.
FREE COMMUNICATION AND BEST ABSTRACT PRESENTATION - Q&A
Panel
Sept. 22, 2017 · 4:21 p.m.
610 views
Closing Address
Frederic Koehn, President Young Athletes Forum Foundation
Sept. 22, 2017 · 6:04 p.m.
140 views